Creating a Positive Mindset When Facing the Unknown
Read Time: 4 Minutes
Words by Ashley Huyck
It was October 1st, 2019. I remember standing in front of my bathroom mirror covering my left eye to make sure it wasn’t a dream. Yep, something was wrong. I couldn't see anything out of my right eye. It felt as if I just needed to rub it and it would be fine, like maybe there is a fuzz in it. I did this numerous times, but still pitch black. Nothing.
I made my way to my kitchen to make coffee. A daily habit I could do in my sleep, but everything was different. I spilled water all over the counter because my depth perception was compromised. I recall thinking to myself, ”maybe this will just go away.” A cup of coffee solves most of my morning problems, so let’s just take this one step at a time.
With coffee in my cup, I looked out the kitchen window when my almost two year old came and hugged my right leg. I could feel her but not see her. Tears immediately started falling from my eyes. Something was definitely wrong and a frightened feeling overcame me.
An emergency visit to the eye doctor quickly became a 6 hour emergency room visit with multiple MRI scans and numerous steroid infusions. A few weeks later, with vision improved slightly but still very compromised, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). A moment that will forever be burned into my memory. I felt powerless and isolated in a sea of unanswered questions of how I would be able to take care of my daughter. A newly single mom with a new challenge to overcome.
Throughout our lives we face unknown trials and obstacles that force us to become a stronger version of ourselves. Typically it is out of our control and it feels as if our world is crumbling. It could be a diagnosis, a broken relationship, loss of a job or anything that causes us to reevaluate our current reality.
There were three main things that helped me in my journey of this unknown space: focusing on gratitude, mindfulness, and what I could control.
1. Gratitude can change your attitude.
No matter what is happening there is always something to be grateful for. From simple little things like a great cup of coffee to having supportive people in your corner. Finding gratitude in dark situations can be a grounding technique on really hard days or even weeks. It is like a muscle and the more you use it the easier it becomes.
Keeping a gratitude journal is key when it comes to changing your mindset. You start to notice things that you may have overlooked before. People, actions or objects that you may have taken for granted. When you challenge yourself to write something new everyday you start looking for things throughout the day and your perspective changes. It also helps focus your attention on what you do have rather than focusing on what you don’t have.
My favorite characteristic about gratitude is that it is contagious. When we start thanking those around us authentically it changes others perspectives as well and makes them feel valued and appreciated.
2. Asking mindful questions.
When we are in a stressful situation it is easy to step into a victim mindset. We say things to ourselves like “why is this happening to me?” and “why can’t things just be easy?” and that mindset keeps up stuck and feeling depressed and anxious. I am a firm believer that even during tough times there are lessons to be learned. One thing to ask yourself is “What is this trying to teach me?”. For myself when I went through my diagnosis it helped me redirect my focus to what is important to me and my life. I was able to identify what was truly important and start truly living by my values.
Another question to ask yourself during a difficult situation is “How is this happening for me?”. Although this is a very difficult question to answer it can lead to a solution or help you identify steps to take to heal or take action. For example if you lose a job, yes it can be awful and scary to know how you are going to provide for yourself. Yet, it can lead to a better opportunity or the chance to find a job you are more passionate about. It may take time to identify what you are learning during a tough time but there is always something to help us evolve into a better person.
3. Setting boundaries.
Often, when we start to overthink or worry about specific situations we may not even have the power to change the outcome. I know I am not the only one that lays awake at night thinking about all the different ways a situation can play out. We often forget that the only thing we can control is our actions and reactions. You can’t change what others think, do or say or change what has happened. But I can change my behavior for myself moving forward.
I call this being in charge of your hula-hoop. Meaning you can only control your choices, actions and reactions, what is IN your hula-hoop. We can’t change how people think or act, that is their hula-hoop. The hula-hoop is the boundary. When we cross the boundary trying to control others that is when we feel powerless and stressed.
For example, I can’t change the lesions that were found on my brain but I can control how I live my life moving forward. What I choose to eat, how I strengthen my body and seek treatment that works for my body. Was it difficult to face what was happening, absolutely but I knew that I could start taking control back by making choices that support my health.
Overall, I hope that the next time a curveball or tricky situation arises in your life these few things can help you navigate the uncomfortable space and become stronger and understand yourself more. New challenges will always be knocking on your door and it is up to you to change your perspective of how difficult times might actually be for us and help us grow.
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About the Author:
Ashley Huyck is a single mom who coaches other women how to start their dream business to build their dream life. She loves spending time with her daughter and inspiring others to follow their purpose and vision.
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