On Grief and Gratitude
Words by Hannah Lacy
Pre-Covid-19, I found myself in this space of grieving the loss of life as it was just a few months prior but also feeling gratitude for some of the changes and opportunities that came with them. Now in the midst of week 3 of quarantine, I find myself here again. Grateful that my sons and husband are home, healthy, and safe. Grateful that we are all healthy, but grieving the loss of events, dreams, trips and celebrations that are now cancelled indefinitely.
Can we hold space for what we've lost while remaining grateful for what we still hold? I say yes.
My favorite word warrior, Brené Brown, says: "The last thing we need when we are struggling is shame for being human." So many of us have felt the pressure the last few weeks to push through, stay grateful, find new ways to be productive, spring clean, etc., but I don't think it's healthy to bury the feelings of loss I know we have all experienced.
I wasn't able to celebrate my sister's birthday last month like we usually would. We live 7-8 hours apart and only see each other a few times a year. I won't be able to celebrate my birthday this month. It is my son's last year of pre-k and he didn't get to say goodbye to his friends or teacher. I won't get to see him do his last end of the year program or help throw the last class Easter party. I miss my friends, our faith community, my mama friends who get it, my gal pals who help me stay sane. I have friends who had to postpone their wedding this month. My husband lost his job and I have traded places with him taking on more hours through a paid internship while trying to still be a full-time student and parent, with no additional childcare or separate space to study/work.
It's a wild time to be human.
I know a lot of the things I mentioned are "small" in the grand scheme of suffering and people affected on a global scale. But pain is pain and loss is loss and comparing or minimizing it helps no one to process or heal. So I guess I'm writing to give myself permission to grieve... and permission to be grateful. And to know that one does not cancel the other. I want every introvert, extrovert, parent, student, woman, wife, mother- to know the same.
We are navigating an unforeseen time in history. There is no guidebook or rule book. But may I propose a way to come through gracefully? That we not shame ourselves or others for being human. That we hold space for grief and gratitude simultaneously and come out of this not minimizing the losses, but also with greater perspective on the value of all the things, places, and moments we thought were ordinary before... Shaking a stranger's hand, going to a crowded movie theater or restaurant, taking our kids to a noisy playground, play dates at friends' houses and our own, coffee dates with friends, date night with spouses and significant others, a trip to the grocery store, and so much more.
I know many of us already know on some level that so many things won't be the same after all of this, and yet some things will. And that is the beauty and struggle of life. Going to the airport and other places may not be normal for a while or going to a hospital. But resilience, kindness, grace? I hope those things don't change, but I hope our ability to embody them and show them to ourselves and others grows.
I grieve for every life lost during this time... every parent, child, friend, and family member affected. I grieve for life as we knew it being lost. I grieve for those with health difficulties dealing with heightened symptoms and difficulty.
I am grateful to see more kindness in the world and people in a big global way. I am grateful to see how so many creatives and entrepreneurs are using everything they have to encourage and support and connect with others. I am grateful for families having more time and maybe connecting in new ways. I am grateful that the internet and social media has become a much better, kinder, and more positive place in recent weeks. I pray that we are all able to look back at see what we lost but also what we still had.
Let's hold space together for the losses and hold space for what we still have.
About the Author:
Hannah is a mother, writer, wife, student, and intern who believes in sharing the beauty and the struggle. Her days are filled with lots of messes, books, boys, work, writing, and grace. She is passionate about honest motherhood, womanhood, and creativity.
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