The Dragon of Post-Feminism
Words by Angelique von Löbbecke // Image by Philip Nürnberger
After the wave of feminism and the slowly evolving concept of the modern man and modern woman, we are now entering a new phase: POST-FEMINISM.
The men have learnt that their way or the highway is not the best for all parties involved and we women have learnt to claim what is ours and that we have the right to do so. That we are capable of grand things if we allow ourselves to strive for it.
BUT. Handling careers, kids, personal growth, free time and social life, siblings and parents, spouses and friends sometimes does not leave more hours in the day to really connect with ourselves. Or others. Most of the friends I have, who are in their mid to late 30s or early 40s, don't have a partner (and did not for almost a decade), some have but they don't have kids - still navigating what it means to be in a committed relationship, traveling out and about for their high profile job, while eyeing the inner clock wondering if and what their wishes are and if that includes ourselves, two people, or an addition to the family.
What got us here? Why are we staring at each other in utter bewilderment and frustration - not knowing how to create intimacy, trust, or bonding even though we know now more than ever and even though we have excess to a wealth of information from anything about how to build a house to why and how PMS works?
Maybe because we live in a grey zone. We women are wired in our DNA to be receptive, emotionally intelligent. We listen, we like to collaborate and we easily see patterns, structure, and the void therein. We allow. Now in 2017 most of us have adopted the more male traits like being assertive, being in action, wanting to win, and leading.
I am not saying this is a bad thing, in fact, it is wonderful! This has allowed the typical male (and all the genders in-between) to be able to discover their feminine side more.
We women thought being successful is a male thing and adopted all the ways, traits, lingo of the men, sometimes to the expense of our femininity. The men vice versa. The understanding of what comes next has yet to be defined.
Looking at myself I can see how being raised almost solely by my father has shaped my approach to things like projects and business. Probably I would not have been so successful if that wasn't the case. Probably I would not have also experienced burn out. What was missing was the other half - the allowing, the intuitive and receptive side of mine. Asking for help. Allowing instead of pushing. Expressing my divine feminine.
Now that I am trying to embody both sides it leaves my husband puzzled.
"I don't know what to do now."
"Me, neither."
I am very certain that I can "make things happen" but do I want to do that always? Certainly not. And certainly not when it comes to relationships. Fact is I sometimes don't know what it's like to be a woman anymore and what it all entails. Where is my happy place in all of this?
Recently I have been to a Women's Circle and plan on initiating them in Berlin, where I live. There is something about women sitting together with tea and listening to what each of them has to say. Really listening, deep listening, holding space, nurturing, allowing, supporting. This ancient ritual of sitting together stirred something inside of me.
After that, I felt strong and centered, confident even though I had cried rivers when it was my time to speak. A catharsis and coming home - it felt SO GOOD.
Maybe there is no defined answer. Maybe it is this one: While we are listening more to our bodies, our cycles, the moon phases and learning how to structure our day with that in mind rather than the other way around - we can find gold.
Marrying the masculine traits with the feminine ones while honoring our nature individually. In this process learning how to bond and be intimate again with ourselves and then with others. The essence of our being. Let's try this in 2018.
See you on the other side.
As a healer and spiritual mentor with a modern, grounded yet goofy approach, Angelique combines an eclectic mix of healing modalities from Akashic Records to Shamanism and is the bridge in-between no longer and not yet. She loves connecting with her clients around the globe, riding anything that has wheels or is a boat, and lives in Berlin, Germany with her husband Alex and their Airedale Terrier Amy.
