I Hate Talking About Myself
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Words by Mia Sutton, Editorial Manager
"Tell us about yourself."
"What do you think, Mia?"
"How are you?"
"Do you have any ideas about this?"
I'm an introvert, I'm extremely shy, and I never want to be the center of attention ever, so all of those questions make my throat close up. When I have to answer questions about me, I can feel my mind start to panic. When I feel people's attention on me, I can't deal with it. I answer with the least amount of words and try to change the subject as quickly as I can.
It also takes me a long time to process questions and formulate my thoughts, and feeling someone's eyes watching me while I think makes my skin crawl. A lot of times, the conversation is moving along at a nice pace, and I feel guilty when it comes to a screeching halt because of me when I need more time. And most of the time, as I stop to think for a few moments, someone else will jump in to fill the void, and the conversation will move on without me.
I envy people who can speak eloquently and confidently about themselves. The other day, our boss lady, Sarah, sent me a podcast episode to listen to. And for about an hour, I sat there listening intently to the interview, wishing I could talk about myself in that same way and not feel self-conscious and awkward and weird. I just really don't like talking about myself. I think there's a big fear on my part that someone will judge me for being nervous or maybe not knowing what to say right away and that makes me clam up even more.
Growing up, I had a difficult relationship with my mother. We were rarely ever on the same wavelength. I always felt like everything I did/said was wrong. That I couldn't speak up or have an opinion because if it wasn't the same as her opinion, then I would bring shame upon her. She was very much into the belief that children should be seen and not heard and that they especially should not embarrass their families. It really made me doubt myself and feel insecure about ever speaking up. It has also affected my friendships throughout my life because people have told me that I seem unapproachable or cold and it's hard to get to know me. My husband even told me that before we ever started dating, he thought that I was stuck up because I never talked to anyone. Good thing I changed his mind! But in all seriousness, I'm definitely someone who loves to listen to and support others, but I rarely ever open up.
I also don't like to burden people with my problems. It may not even really be a burden to them, but I feel like it is, and that makes me feel guilty. As someone who is highly attuned to other people's feelings, I worry all the time that I'm bothering someone or that they don't want to hear about my stuff, so I just keep everything to myself.
It's weird because I write about me online all the time. Writing gives me the space and time to think about my words and really home in on what I want to say. The paper/screen never disagrees with me or looks at me weird or judges me. I guess that's why I've always felt welcome in the online writing/blogging community, and here in the Kindred community especially.
Something that has really helped me is to remember that perfect people don't exist. Everyone struggles with doubt and insecurities in some way. So, it's OK that I might be a little quiet and awkward and that I'll never be a professional public speaker. My strengths lie elsewhere and I'll use them to not only give myself a boost, but to boost others up as well.
Always remember that your voice is important no matter what. You have something to say and you should say it. And now I'm done talking about myself for the next decade. Just kidding. Maybe.
About the Author:
Mia Sutton is a self-proclaimed word nerd. She is the author of In the Depths, a poetry collection. She's also a blogger, a poet, and the editorial manager for The Kindred Voice. She loves donuts, laughter, and cheesy action movies. Mia lives in Virginia with her husband and 2 kids.
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