There's No Such Thing as Wasted Time

Early last year, I sat down at my weekly therapy session and felt the need to apologize for how scatterbrained I’d probably be; a draining workday had left me with no time to prepare a list of what I wanted to talk about in advance. My therapist responded with a tentative laugh, asking if I seriously did this before every session. Absolutely, I said, I have to get my money’s worth. I can’t just mosey in here and chat.

My tone was tongue-in-cheek, but he looked at me as though I’d admitted to an addiction. And slowly but also instantly, I knew I had. My substance of choice? Productivity. The high was an elusive end-of-day sense of accomplishment — of crossing off to-do list items and packing my calendar with commitments and, oh man, delivering deliverables. Few things got my dopamine receptors all hot and bothered like a well-executed deliverable sent hours before the deadline. How had I never considered this might be unhealthy?

I certainly did know the lows were unhealthy: feeling worthless when I left too much undone, assigning every decision or action a time-well-spent score, wading through a thick layer of guilt after unjustifiable leisure time. It was definitely an addiction.

Watching my eyes widen as I processed this thought tumble, my therapist said something to the tune of, Well, I think we know what we’re talking about today. So over the next 50 minutes (an hour in therapy time), we dug up the following:

Being perceived as lazy is one of my greatest fears.
I identify as a busy person and a packed calendar is my comfort zone.
In fact, it’s a large part of why I moved to New York City. I wanted to stop being told to slow down.
I need to use my time efficiently, not for the sake of saving more time for play, but because that’s what you’re supposed to do.
I hold the belief that I need to be working to be worthy.
Essentially, I feel a moral opposition to wasting time.

I commuted home in a haze, sure that I’d broken through on something big but not quite sure where to go from there. Six months later, I put in my notice to leave my once-dream job with a big savings cushion and a nonexistent back-up plan. I took three months off, attempting to recover from years of burnout. Now, almost one year later, I’m a full-time freelancer, working with incredibly inspiring clients on exciting and fulfilling projects and I’m on the way to being happier and healthier than I ever thought I might be capable of being. What changed? I started to believe that time can’t be wasted.

I know, I’m thinking it, too: Of course there are ways to waste time! What about standing in long lines or waiting in traffic or just yesterday when you walked to the grocery store to pick up eggs and forgot your wallet and had to walk all the way back home, eggless, in the RAIN!

I get it. To past me, wasted time was the enemy. It wasn’t really about efficiency, either, but my own perceived effort. I only focused on efficiency as a way to expedite meaningless work to make more room for more meaningful work. And I hate to admit it, but the fear of wasting time didn’t only apply at work — it carried over to time spent with loved ones, my hobbies, and even my self-care routines. Every minute I spent needed to be justified in the service of one of my larger goals. So when I say you can unlearn this, I mean it.

Here it is once more for the people in the back checking to see how many words are left in this story to decide if finishing it is worth a few more minutes: Wasting time is impossible. We made it up. There is no wrong way to spend your time and your work is not your worth.

If you’re still shaking your head, please stick with me. The very mindset I thought would bring me success and happiness was holding me back from ever allowing myself to feel happy and successful. And in these trying times of glorified hustle culture, I know I’m not alone. If you can relate, here’s where I’d recommend you start:

FORCE YOURSELF TO BE.

If doing is the only thing that feels worth it, being will feel terrifying, but you must train your brain to exist without the need to achieve. A daily meditation routine was key for me on this front (shout out to you, Headspace!), but any activity that gets you into a flow state — fully present and unaware of the passing of time — should be prioritized and practiced daily.

THANK YOUR MIND FOR TRYING TO HELP YOU IN THE WAY IT CURRENTLY KNOWS HOW TO.

Now, when I catch myself validating fun or leisure time to make it feel acceptable, I send a little nod of gratitude to my thoughts for looking out for my goals and do everything in my power to shift my focus back to the present moment. Self-criticism is just tough self-love. At the core of all that loud internal judgment, there’s a simple desire to be better, to feel better. We just need to work on the delivery.

TURN SELF-JUDGMENT INTO AN OPPORTUNITY TO GATHER INFORMATION.

Think about the things you tend to categorize as wasted time. What might it be like to see them not as ways you should have been better, but as information that hints at your values and your goals and what you want for yourself?

REMIND YOURSELF OFTEN THAT NOTHING IS PURELY GOOD OR BAD.

Just because you’ve spent a few minutes/hours/years in a subjectively inefficient way doesn’t make them a waste. Labeling them a waste does. So what happens if you see every step in your journey as a necessary one?

DO NONE OF THE ABOVE PERFECTLY.

Unlearning a storyline you always thought was helping you but is actually hurting you is a slow, bumpy process, but it might save your life. I’m not writing this now from the “other side” of things. I relapse easily and often, but there have also been moments of deep and overcoming gratitude when I default to the “no wasted time” way of thinking. Moments where I can’t believe my mind is my mind and that I’m really — that we all are really, truly — capable of healing.

About the Author:

Richelle is a writer, photographer, and amateur floral designer (i.e. she has far too much fun arranging three different Trader Joe’s bouquets into one vase!). She’ll always be a Pittsburgher at heart, but she’s currently based in New York City, where you'll often find her sweating it out at yoga and dance studios, belting on stage with community theater groups, and soliciting cat cuddles to extremely limited avail.

On the Impossibility of Wasted Time