Successful Women Can Struggle with Depression
Words by Laney Houser
The dark tide of depression almost took me out of this life. At the time I couldn't see a way to navigate the of the deep, dark, murky waters I was drowning in. On the outside I had a life many would envy: I had a successful, multiple six-figure business, I was esteemed by colleagues in my field, I had a lovely family, beautiful home, two dogs, I was active in my community. And yet, on the inside, I was dying a slow, painful, suffocating death of the soul by depression. The thought of ending my life felt like it would be a necessary relief.
I should have been nominated for an Academy Award, because I gave a stellar performance of "My Perfect Life" which, truth be told, was just plain awful, filled with pain and sadness. Yes, I had an awesome business but the most important parts of my life were threadbare and my soul was tired of trying to stick the same seams back together again and again only to have them torn in two.
The threadbare tapestry of my life was a picture called abuse and I lived in it for nearly 24 years, stitching mismatched threads together that kept tearing apart before I finally got help. One of the truths about abuse is that it sucks the very soul out of you until you have no idea who you are or where you are going. At my very lowest I couldn't even tell you what my favorite color was or what I liked to eat.
And yet, I could hide behind my successful career, smiling everywhere I went, pretending life was okay. However, threadbare garments only last so long before they are in shreds and eventually the curtain came down. Unless you were close to me you may never have noticed that something was amiss, but like most abuse sufferers, we don't let too many people come close so no one can see our life of torment. And so for many years, I acted out the perfect life in public while suffering deeply in private.
The miracle is that I reached out for help before I gave up. I made a phone call that changed my life and for the next month I put myself in in-patient treatment for severe depression at a place called The Center: A Place of Hope, where I began to heal and recover from the grueling toll depression and abuse had taken on my life, my heart, and my soul.
What happened there was I was able to see for the first time that life could be different, that death was no longer an awesome option, and that there were other choices for life. I also learned that I could trust other people to care for me and love me. For the first time in my life, I let go and allowed the healing to come in.
Although it was difficult to see at first, I learned that I had the power to create a life I could eventually love and thankfully I trusted that new learning. I learned different choices could create a vastly different landscape for myself, even if it would be difficult, a new life was now within my reach. This one month in treatment has transformed every single month since.
When I got out of treatment and began to see the light of hope, I vowed to myself that I would never get near that place again. Never again would I allow depression to take me so close to the precipice of death. It took me months and months to heal and to turn my life around but because I had let go of everything in my life. I had time to study, pray, think, and create a new way of being for myself. During those months I had a time of rest from everything, I had nothing except a few clothes and some pretty dishes to learn to eat again. I went from multiple six figures to food stamps and it was one of the sweetest times in my life.
Image of Laney by Tirzah Forrister
I am one of the fortunate women whose husband also sought treatment and miraculously I've got a happier ending than beginning. We separated for 15 months. 10 of those months we had not a single word between us, and I had even begun the process of divorce. I didn't have much hope for my marriage.
Separation from life gave me time to heal, think, pray, and to study the art and science of thriving. I studied happiness, joy, and the abundant life and put in place the life-giving practice of gratitude beginning with the food on my table and the color pink I had put on my bed.
I would be foolish to think that he was the entire cause of the abuse in my life, and yes, while his behavior was unacceptable, it was just as unacceptable for me to tolerate it for so many years. One of the things healing brings is full responsibility for one's life. Of course, looking back it is easy to say but while I endured it felt to me like there was no way out.
Successful women in all places in society are not immune to depression, abuse, and anxiety and most of us would never let you into the place of our greatest shame. If you are reading this and living with abuse or depression please know there is always a way out even you can't see it right now. Please reach out for help. Many caring souls would love to support you.
About the Author:
Laney Houser is a joy-filled health and happiness coach who loves coaching successful women to live with purpose and passion. Her curiosity and love for learning has helped her complete two Master’s Degrees; one in Counseling and one in Theology, and certification in life coaching and health coaching. She is also an emotional eating and eating disorder specialist and is currently working on her first book. She’s got three fantastic grown kids, two are married, and an awesome husband of 31 years. When she’s not reading a good book she’s hanging out with her amazing family hiking, biking, kayaking, skiing, and just enjoying the great outdoors where she lives in beautiful Bend, Oregon.