Learning to Listen to My Body
Read time: 4 minutes
Words by Lydia Dubose
One of my good friends just had her second baby. To prepare for the new family member, she solicited the help of a sibling doula for her daughter, to help her ease into this new transition into big sisterhood. The doula would spend time with my friend’s daughter and give her some space to talk about her feelings and play. It helped the daughter to prepare and navigate the transition and eased my friend’s worries about how she might handle this massive change in her life.
I usually enjoy transitions. Embarking on a new adventure is exciting. I love to start something new, and the anticipation of an event, move, or a new job is nearly as enjoyable as the thing itself. As I’m thinking back on different times when I was growing up and beginning something new, I remember the different ways that I was prepared (or not) for that next step.
As I transitioned from high school to college, to marriage, to becoming a working person, I developed the skills needed to become a self-sufficient adult. I perfected the art of active listening, learned to craft a résumé, honed my ability to manage projects at work, and maintained a regular cleaning schedule for my home. What I didn't know was how to listen to my body for what it needed from me, especially as my body changed from a teenager body into an adult body. I transitioned from an athlete to a normal student, from a student to a working person, from living with roommates to living with my spouse. As a child, I was always proud to be tall and strong, but as I grew into adulthood I learned that women were supposed to be small and dainty. All of these transitions affected the way that I understood my body, and over time I realized that I didn’t really know my body, how to care for her, or how to listen to her needs.
I wanted to develop a nurturing relationship with my body, to love all of myself - including my body. The first step for me was to learn to listen to my body. I realized I had no idea how to recognize what foods made me feel good or bad, or how to actually recognize fullness or hunger cues. I was so out of tune with my body that I didn’t know what joyful movement felt like, or how to find ways of moving my body that best served me.
Learning to listen to my body wasn't as simple as learning to drive or type or cook. The advice I have been given over and over again is to not listen to my body. I have heard that this regimen or that diet will get me the results that others thought I needed. Most of the time, listening to my body has been heralded as a way to further control and manage my body, instead of a tool to find freedom and empowerment. What if the results we were seeking was a nurturing relationship with our bodies? What if my goal is to love myself and the body that carries me?
I began to read books, follow Instagram accounts, and listen to podcasts to help inform how I might transition into a new way of experiencing my body. These resources* gave me tools and new language to help me develop new habits and ideas about my body.
I began practicing more mindfulness. This required slowing down, taking a few moments to pause, notice, and reflect instead of buzzing around from one thing to the next. I asked myself questions I’d never considered before: How do you feel in your body? Why do you think that might be? How did I feel the last time I had that experience? This approach helped me consider my body with curiosity instead of judgement. I was no longer noticing my body in order to control it, but instead opening myself to learn what she needed. This helped me to understand and recognize my body’s signals for when I needed to rest, what foods made me feel terrible, and when I was being treated poorly.
By cultivating a more mindful, curious, and compassionate approach to my body, I have gradually become more accepting and comfortable in my body. I have a better idea of what feels good, whether it be about food or movement or sleep, and I am more likely to recognize when something feels off. This has also translated into becoming more aware of my emotional responses and wellbeing. I noticed how my face felt hot when someone talked down to me, that my heart beat fast when I was speaking in front of a group, and how relaxed I felt after laughing with a friend.
There are times when I forget to notice what my body is telling me. Sometimes I get stuck doom scrolling on my phone or dealing with a personal crisis and find myself completely distracted. Some days I feel completely disassociated from my body or ignore the signals it’s sending me. But I make every effort to take time at least once a week to slow down and check-in. Even if I had a bad body week or fell into a habit of negative self-talk, I make a plan to get up the next day and try again.
Learning to listen to my body has not been perfect, but has been transformational for the way I carry myself through the world - I am overall more comfortable, confident, and free.
*Some of the resources that have helped me:
To read -- Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image by Hillary McBride
To listen -- Food Heaven Podcast
To follow -- @laurenleavellfitness, @caitie_metz, and @stephanieyeboah on Instagram
To join -- Ditch the Diet - Intuitive Eating and Body Image Support group on Facebook
** Editor’s Note: This is part 1 of a 4-part series on caring for your body. Read part 2 here. | Read part 3 here. | Read part 4 here. **
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About the Author:
Lydia Dubose (she/her) has a passion for learning and finding new ways to create a more kind and just world. Based in Texas, she has spent years cultivating relationships, growing programs, and communicating for nonprofit organizations. She enjoys trying new things, listening to podcasts, long walks outside, reading several books at once, secondhand shopping, and tackling new recipes.
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